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03 October 2011 @ 01:59 pm
lol no offense to my old self but this shit is stupid. bye lj foreverrrrrr. i'm about to have a kid, so I can't be one anymore.

except i'll still need this to be on ONTD. :)
07 March 2011 @ 04:04 am
Its going to be sooo frustrating years from now in the distant future when I look back at this lj and realize that there are gaping holes in my life-description-journal-thang. I'm back at the parent's house so maybe my blog with start to take shape. Right now its skin in bones.

Just for the sake of continuation, a run-down:

me = single again
busted car window, purse stolen
alex in shreveport
shay at ihop
x at x because we're at x point in relationship
Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: theophilus london - flying overseas
22 October 2010 @ 12:39 pm
Life is exhausting.
03 September 2010 @ 10:35 pm
my life is so different.

i believe i've kept this 'journal' roughly six years now. That's the longest i've been involved in anything minus life and school. I might make a trip down memory lane, and see how lame i used to be. Oh my how things have changed.

I been in all out war with my parents, details are astounding but i have no time or patience to recount them. Luckily, i believe its coming to an end. I'm learning to swallow my pride because the fights aren't worth it. I've had some therapy sessions with the boy and I came across some uncovered thoughts. I think i've always blamed myself for my broken relationship with my father. I think that has shaped my life. I found that buried thought, though. So now that its out in the open I can actually deal with it and my decisions accordingly and at any rate i've atleast come to terms with the way i feel. I'm putting a period at the end of the sentence called teenager-hood. Its time to write the next paragraph.

more on this later
Current Music: drake - karaoke
22 July 2010 @ 12:05 am
oh so many things.

by explaining everything, i would be explaining the past.
lets just start with this: I cut off all of my hair.
i'm gonna do a belated spring cleaning tomorrow because its over due.

i feel free, i'm in love, and i'm at peace with the world at this moment.
this is obviously the calm before some kind of storm.
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: drake - karaoke
22 April 2010 @ 01:26 pm
I've felt a lot of heaviness on my shoulders lately, but its getting easier to carry it all.
02 April 2010 @ 05:43 pm
goodness gracious. great balls of fire.

i have nothing more to say, that says it all.
08 March 2010 @ 09:37 am
Its funny and scary how I have become a manifestation of my own fears.

Its not like I'm necessarily doing things behind the backs of some, but just without mentioning all that goes on out in the open.

does this make sense?

Its just...I'm sick of being left with nothing, so I'm taking everything I want without thinking about the consequences. Oh well.
Current Music: Kanye West - Flashing Lights (Ft. Dwele) | Powered by
28 February 2010 @ 08:56 pm
I have neglected my personal diary as of late. The last entry is dated 1/18/10 and is about some nonsense I don't really remember.
I'll pick up again just as soon as chuck buys me a new bound book.

Life is full of love and hate.

I love the my working environment and becoming close friends with mmany of my coworkers (ENJOY THE MONEY). Still, I hate aspects of the job - like the hours I work, the people I serve, the conflicts that sometimes arises between people.

I am IN love with someone that I could, when in the right mind, KILL with an icepick to the eye socket.

I love my family, I hate someone in my family and its causing me unnecessary stress

you know, you know.

i have nothing real to say.
I'm in need of some good NEW music.

BTW I just had the best dinner. Steak, grilled shrimp and mashed potatos. AND now I"m killing a blondie from applebees. SO satisfying, I'm gonna sleep like a rock.
Current Music: Running, please wait...
i have a lot of things to discuss. A lot of developments in my life lately. A lot of enlightenment to cover and record and analyze.

the boy, the relationship:

lots of sighs and long stares and arguments and confessions.
the point of it all is nothing. Getting my heart broken again.
failed again.
i know what i need to know to let it go for good.
Friendship is the best policy, I can't ignore how close we've gotten.
celibacy is the best policy.
The "love" was real this time - I know so because I don't know how to do anything correctly without him. Eat, Sleep, Work, Live.
My shit is all fucked up over this person. Like sade says, "I'm a soldier of love, all the days of my life..." Whatever, I'll go write some poetry about it and listen to sade and cry like a little bitch.

the family, the friends:

Its all been rather hectic. And in the same vain as the above situation, I've found out what I need to find out in order to just LET GO.
Some individuals have been cut out of my life.
Then on the other hand, some individuals have only been cut out of my consciousness. I have to live with them, but I'll pretend they aren't there so they won't add negativity and fuck up my well-being.
On the other hand I've fallen deeper in love with some friends because I'm so grateful that they are here for me.


mostly consists of my job, school, and my hobby (minus the boy [see above] and this new thing i got going [see below]). The cast of characters at my place of employment are amazing. So many stories about this place are up in my head ready to be written down in some type of funnyass memoir. It really is great, I enjoy it so much. And in a weird way I feel my experiences there are forcing me to mature into whatever it is I'm suppose to be. More on that later.

Dat New New:

I'm not ready to fully reveal what new shit I got cooking. I'll say this though: America is a Great and Terrible place. The bad is bad. But if you pledge yourself to America, then she will take real good care of you. REAL good. We'll see what happens in the next chapter. (although, low key, the only person i've told about it has given me bad feedback...we'll just have to see, i'm still researching)

I think the reason I'm having a hard time with college...what with the being generally uninterested in making it my bitch like I did grade school with the straight A's an extracurricular activities and stuff...the reason is that you go to college for a degree for a career. I don't know what I want to be "when I grow up." I don't know what kind of career I want. I just want to be a writer and a lot of careers encompass that idea and I already AM a writer. Its just what I do, I don't have to go to school to do it. So this journalism degree is kind of a cop out - trying to find a way to define what I love to do in a way that makes it something I can profit from. The "new" thing I'm working on has a lot to do with this indecision I have. I'm trying to explore other life options and see where it takes me.
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Sade - The Moon and The Sky | Powered by