i have a lot of things to discuss. A lot of developments in my life lately. A lot of enlightenment to cover and record and analyze.
the boy, the relationship:
lots of sighs and long stares and arguments and confessions.
the point of it all is nothing. Getting my heart broken again.
i know what i need to know to let it go for good.
Friendship is the best policy, I can't ignore how close we've gotten.
celibacy is the best policy.
The "love" was real this time - I know so because I don't know how to do anything correctly without him. Eat, Sleep, Work, Live.
My shit is all fucked up over this person. Like sade says, "I'm a soldier of love, all the days of my life..." Whatever, I'll go write some poetry about it and listen to sade and cry like a little bitch.
the family, the friends:
Its all been rather hectic. And in the same vain as the above situation, I've found out what I need to find out in order to just LET GO.
Some individuals have been cut out of my life.
Then on the other hand, some individuals have only been cut out of my consciousness. I have to live with them, but I'll pretend they aren't there so they won't add negativity and fuck up my well-being.
On the other hand I've fallen deeper in love with some friends because I'm so grateful that they are here for me.
mostly consists of my job, school, and my hobby (minus the boy [see above] and this new thing i got going [see below]). The cast of characters at my place of employment are amazing. So many stories about this place are up in my head ready to be written down in some type of funnyass memoir. It really is great, I enjoy it so much. And in a weird way I feel my experiences there are forcing me to mature into whatever it is I'm suppose to be. More on that later.
Dat New New:
I'm not ready to fully reveal what new shit I got cooking. I'll say this though: America is a Great and Terrible place. The bad is bad. But if you pledge yourself to America, then she will take real good care of you. REAL good. We'll see what happens in the next chapter. (although, low key, the only person i've told about it has given me bad feedback...we'll just have to see, i'm still researching)
I think the reason I'm having a hard time with college...what with the being generally uninterested in making it my bitch like I did grade school with the straight A's an extracurricular activities and stuff...the reason is that you go to college for a degree for a career. I don't know what I want to be "when I grow up." I don't know what kind of career I want. I just want to be a writer and a lot of careers encompass that idea and I already AM a writer. Its just what I do, I don't have to go to school to do it. So this journalism degree is kind of a cop out - trying to find a way to define what I love to do in a way that makes it something I can profit from. The "new" thing I'm working on has a lot to do with this indecision I have. I'm trying to explore other life options and see where it takes me.